My Advice To The Bullied and Downtrodden: Cherish the people that cherish you for who you are
Not to be insensitive, but I always thought coming out of the closet was trite, for myself anyway. I get that for some people it’s really important and significant. However in regards to myself I felt it was cliché and unnecessary.
I’ve known I was gay for as long as I can remember. I can remember watching TV and thinking Jonathan Taylor Thomas and Devon Sawa were SO FINE. It’s the reason I stole my cousin’s VHS tape of Wild America, and it’s also the reason I know without out a doubt that being gay is genetic. It’s not a choice. If it were a choice I would have been openly pining over Alicia Silverstone, and not secretly swooning for Paul Rudd. I was obsessed with the movie, but I was by no means clueless.
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Can we talk about bullying for two seconds?
I don’t know if this has always been the case, but it seems like my generation is always championing an issue, and one of those issues lately has been bullying. I have mixed feelings about bullying, because I was bullied my whole entire childhood and adolescence. I grew up with multiple targets on my back, and the kids I grew up with were brutal. However, I’m still here. I didn’t kill myself. I didn’t turn to drugs. And as de rigueuer as it sounds life did get better.
I can’t lie though. I’m still affected by it. It definitely plays are part in my weight problem. I tend to hold grudges. When I feel vulnerable I can get verbally abusive. It’s something I definitely try to work out of my system everyday.
The thing is kids are now killing themselves, and it fucking scares me. It’s horrifying when I think that I could have been one of those young faces on the news. Why am I different? How did I make it out? What is the difference between me and Jamey Rodemeyer, Tyler Clementi, Asher Brown, or Calen Nolt? I don’t know! So not only do I have survivors guilt, but I’m also perplexed. If I had the answer I would use every fiber of my being to share it with the world, but I can’t.
Shame is a murderous feeling, and it can turn people into infinitely consuming vacuums of hatred. I guess the only way to survive is to not let the bastards keep you down.
